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Parenting children with complex needs requires great patience, extra time and a good sense of humour as you juggle your family, extended families, work and the educational and financial needs of your families.
The Lived Experience Parenting Channel is a free virtual community to support kinship, permanent care and adoptive parents, carers and families.
The channel features content in the form of videos, or podcasts, together with written transcripts so that you can choose the best way to stay informed for you.
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Updates and new audio or video will also be communicated in our regular Communications Update by email. Please share with other carers or parents and let us know if you have an idea for a topic!
Disclaimer: The resources presented on this website are not intended to override yourself as experts of your families and lives. They are also not intended to replace therapy – they are there for reference and educational purposes only to support you on your parenting journey.
Stacy Blythe is an Associate Professor in the School of Nursing and Midwifery at the Western Sydney University, and the Deputy Director of the Translational Research and Social Innovation group at the Ingham Institute for Applied Medical Research. Her research focuses on the health and well-being of children in out-of-home care and their families (both birth and foster families). As a lecturer in Infant Mental Health, she is particularly interested in infants who are prenatally exposed to harmful substances (e.g., illicit drugs). In addition to her nursing, teaching and research qualifications, Stacy has post graduate certification in Developmental Trauma. Stacy has also been an authorised foster carer for 18+ years. Drawing on her skills as a nurse, knowledge as a researcher and experience as a carer, Stacy provides training to health care workers, social service providers, educators, and foster/kinship carers in relation to working with children who have prenatal substance exposure and/or have experienced trauma.
Stacy has experience with both qualitative and quantitative methodologies and literature reviews. She provides research supervision to undergraduate honours and higher degree research students.
Research interests include infant mental health, substance exposed infants, foster care, foster carers, the foster care family.
Stacy Blythe is an Associate Professor in the School of Nursing and Midwifery at the Western Sydney University, and the Deputy Director of the Translational Research and Social Innovation group at the Ingham Institute for Applied Medical Research. Her research focuses on the health and well-being of children in out-of-home care and their families (both birth and foster families). As a lecturer in Infant Mental Health, she is particularly interested in infants who are prenatally exposed to harmful substances (e.g., illicit drugs). In addition to her nursing, teaching and research qualifications, Stacy has post graduate certification in Developmental Trauma. Stacy has also been an authorised foster carer for 18+ years. Drawing on her skills as a nurse, knowledge as a researcher and experience as a carer, Stacy provides training to health care workers, social service providers, educators, and foster/kinship carers in relation to working with children who have prenatal substance exposure and/or have experienced trauma.
Stacy has experience with both qualitative and quantitative methodologies and literature reviews. She provides research supervision to undergraduate honours and higher degree research students.
Research interests include infant mental health, substance exposed infants, foster care, foster carers, the foster care family.
Dr Alberto Veloso who is a psychiatrist, paediatrician and Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapist has worked extensively in the foster care system and with children with ADHD or ASD or mental health needs. He wants you to know the importance of regulating your own brain and the need to take care of yourself first so that burnout and blocked care in your brain doesnt damage your child. It can truly lead to relationship breakdowns with your child.
So what can you do instead?
Consider really understanding Dan Hughes and Jon Baylin's brain based parenting summary on how to strengthen your parenting systems.
Use the power of a yarn and gathering all the people in your child's life to nut through issues as they arise.
If you don't get a hospital admission after waiting hours at an emergency crisis centre, it may actually be for the best. Hospital admissions aren't always the safest spaces for children with a trauma background. Time spent co regulating in your relationship is actually doing the work.
Some constructive advice to really help realise the power of co regulation and self care and why both are so, so important to make time for.
Melanie McGrice is an Advanced Accredited Practising Dietitian with a Masters in Dietetics who specialises in Early Life Nutrition. Melanie is also a permanent carer.
When Melanie began fostering and later when she became a permanent care Mum she did the research that planted a seed. So many children in foster care /permanent care were born to parents who had alcohol during pregnancy or who had a drug addiction. So Melanie used her training and knowledge in nutrition to do some further research into FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder).
What did Melanie find? Nutrients that were deficient because of alcohol or FASD. Nutrients that could slow the impact of FASD. Nutrients that were in smaller volumes in children from FASD. Impacts after puberty.
Melanie wants parents and carers to do a blood screen of nutrient markers so that you can treat the deficiencies ASAP. Makes sense. That combined with a nutrition assessment might do wonders for our community of children.
Robyn Papworth is a paediatric exercise physiologist, developmental educator and trainer who is passionate about helping children’s body and brain to be ready for kindergarten and school through movement and play strategies. Robyn reminds us that exercises that help with visual tracking, core strength, crossing the midline, spatial awareness and shoulder stabilisation, all key elements for sitting in a classroom and learning, can be fun. Robyn encourages us to connect feelings and visuals, rather than teaching ABCs, and to meet the child with where THEY are at. Not every child needs a weighted blanket and some children like to throw things off a table! And remember the vagus nerve exercises that calm the nervous system are as simple as blowing bubbles, singing and humming or chewing on ice. She also reminds us that checklists are milestones to work towards, not a race to deliver at a point in time!
Find out more by listening to the recording!
Jenna Bollinger is a trauma informed psychologist who has worked with young people who have experienced early childhood trauma.
Jenna recently shared some insights in an article with Philiip Mendes from Monash Lens on how to create smoother transitions when young people leave care and the importance of offering extended support beyond 18 or 21.
Jenna reminds us that engagement and connection and love relationships need to continue for life in a meaningful way. That may involve going out of the way to pick them up for a family dinner.
Jenna also reminds us that trauma impacts the capacity to learn and that can mean learning to be independent and having interdependence may take longer, which in turn delays readiness for things like university, so advocating for entitlements and resources is equally important.
From the age of 2, Shane didn’t have the normal upbringing. His mother left and he lived in kinship care with his Nan and Pop until his Nan dies when he is 5yo. He lives a haphazard life with many moves: his mother leaves, his Dad doesnt have the skills, a grandparent dies and his relationship with his permanent foster care family breaks down. He is subjected to sexual abuse and unimaginable losses as people come and go in his life. He attempts to end his life once, suffers bulimia as a form of self punishment, struggles to fit in and feels broken and dead inside. Yet outside he appeared happy, confident and was able to achieve success in the creative arts (he joins Johnny Young Talent Team and stars alongside Colette Mann and works on Neighbours and other TV series). Eventually he finds his voice, comes out as gay in his 20s and finds success in nursing and education after reuniting with his foster family).
Shane wants others to learn from his experiences. He encourages parents and carers to validate children and to learn and educate themselves where they don't understand sexual identity or gender and to provide a safe space without judgement so that children may be an open book and share their feelings. Shane reminds us that sometimes children will attempt suicide, and live with an eating disorder or even reject parents and carers outright, just so those people they love the most don't have the opportunity to reject them. Belonging and identity are so interwoven. Shane leaves us with insights that carers and professionals can learn from in raising our children.
Chrissie has had experience with navigating the school system due to trauma behaviours showing up unexpectedly for her adopted and permanent care children.
Chrissie spent a year trying to work with the school on these trauma behaviours until she eventually decided to move everything to a location and schools that would suit the families needs for the long term.
What happened? It was a great success. From daily worries about behaviours to not one phone call all term to report on unwanted behaviour in the classroom. What changed? Not her son... the environment in which he was schooled.
So getting school selection right and knowing how to advocate for your childs needs in the school system is invaluable. Find out more from Chrissie.
Melissa Christian was an early childhood educator who became an intercountry adoptive parent of 3 after a 15 year long journey.
There was time for lots of learning from Therapeutic Parenting to Circle of Security. However, something wasn't quite right post adoption.
A type of post adoption depression called matrescence. While she now had the perfect family, internally something was not quite right.
Add to that layers of perfectionism expected of adoptive parents and its a formula for perpetual internal conflict.
Vicki is a permanent carer who has 11 years lived experience of FASD with her 13yo granddaughter. Vicki navigated years of schooling and other diagnoses from ADHD to ASD before finally obtaining a FASD diagnosis at 9yo. It finally made sense!
The diagnosis explained why Ritalin (for ADHD) didnt work and also affected decisions around schooling (moving from mainstream to Montessori to home schooling) and how Vicki could offer support to her granddaughter (accommodating the disability and teaching choices and life skills rather than using lock and key to avoid food hoarding or food choices that have negative behavioural outcomes - such as from coke syrup).
Vicki reminds us that this "no blame" disability is permanent, that you are the best advocate for your child so if something doesn't feel right, change it, and remember NDIS support for FASD wont be taken away. Its a permanent disability so ask for what you think you need for your child.
Mitch and Rach spoke to us about the community kinship or village care model that they operate within to surround a young boy in care. They are the extended family to this boy who is in kinship care with another family.
Mitch is the Director of Complex Behaviour Change at CBC Change in Melbourne and has 30 years clinical experience. Rache is the Director of Resources at CBS Change and has worked in supporting adoptive, permanent and kinship carers with strengths based culturally sensitive case management.
Mitch and Rach have a wealth of experience to share to help with secure attachment. Simple things too like shared dinners!
Vicki Skelley is a permanent carer who was looking to find a way to look forward to brighten her granddaughters future after a bleak FASD diagnosis.
Vicki wanted to support her granddaughter with a best friend, and also find a way to make an invisible array of disabilities visible to others.
The solution came in the form of Zara, a beautiful Italian Lagotto Romagnolo, a type of non shedding poodle, trained as an assistance dog by DogsforLife.
Vicki learned that you don't just turn up and receive a fully trained assistance dog. It involves weekly training and lots of rules, all of which are the childs responsibility, not the carers.
Did they succeed? Did they get funding assistance or NDIS support? Listen in or read the transcript to find out.
Dr Jenny Conrick is a Social Worker and Doctor of Philosophy, Melbourne University associate and educator, with a background in government and health sectors, adoption, out of home care and trauma.
Dr Conrick has been exploring the lifelong impacts of adoption on adult adoptees. In particular, adoptees as parents, and the impacts of trauma, post natal depression, attachment and life transitions.
Dr Conrick has uncovered some important areas that matter to adoptees, such as preserving the family they create and avoiding any secrecy, and the need to support adoptees in unravelling their experience and having specialised antenatal support.
And if you are a grandparent to your adoptees children, her research highlights the importance of stepping up and being interested and attuned. It matters more than you may think so get involved and show your interest!
Dani Lucas completed her family through adoption and is a skilled trauma informed specialist. Dani shares with us her insights into finding and arranging therapy for children and in supporting others with complex trauma history, family violence and more.
The topic of wellbeing in the caregiving space (kinship, permanent, foster or adoptive parenting) is important. Dr Stacy Blythe offers us advice, from research, that identifies how we might better impact attachment, minimise behavioural issues and improve outcomes when there has been prenatal exposure to harmful drugs, poor oral hygiene or other impacts on executive functioning.
Dr Stacy Blythe is well qualified to advise us on these topics. She is a a parent of 8, with 4 biological and 4 non-biological children, and also a registered nurse, associate professor in the school of nursing and midwifery and deputy director of the translational research and social innovation group at Ingham Institute (health and wellbeing that make sense practically).
Leanne Winter is a clinical psychologist who specialises in animal and equine therapy and working with childhood behavioural, sensory and other issues. After 14 years in room based clinics Leanne ventured into animal and equine therapy in her paddock! Animal therapy offers a calmness to therapy: stroking and being with an animal reduces stress and the heart rate. Combine that with being in nature and magic happens!
While its not as simple as just walking around a paddock, often that is how it starts and something comes up in the conversation. Perhaps the children see one pony being bossy and they say that's just like this guy at school. Or perhaps its just the experience of doing things they may not do elsewhere, like jumping in puddles. Children learn about attachment and regulation and self awareness in a meaningful way.
Layne Beachley is one of the most successful surfers, male or female, in history with 7 world titles and 29 tour victories. Layne is also one of the most genuinely unapologetically honest people around with an experience of a traumatic childhood in losing her mother at 6 and finding out she was adopted at 8.
Zahra is PCA Families Client Services officer, is Australian born but of African heritage, and is passionate about outcomes for culturally and linguistically diverse communities, completing her studies in cross-cultural counselling this year.
They can also face prejudice within more than one cultural group. Zahra shares with us some of the norms, traditions or ideas that are part of the African culture, that may be relevant to consider in cross-cultural families to help with identity and cultural connection.
Zahra highlights some of the practices in the African culture may include:
Helen Barrett is a registered play therapist, clinical social worker, counsellor and certified filial therapist with a trauma history of her own.
Helen explains how play therapy works and offers some real life examples where trauma and abandonment result in eating disorders and the constant need for reassurance.
She explains the importance of the relationship where the therapist coregulates with the child to metabolise the trauma and widen the window of tolerance. An example of a child who has autism shows us the importance of mirroring and testing things in the playroom training ground before taking that to the everyday environment, ultimately reducing the intensity of meltdowns and transition times.
The importance of being congruent is discussed. If you are feeling anxious or angry, but pretending not to be, your child will see that and feel that something is not right, creating even more threat for the child, exacerbating even bigger emotions.
Helen wants parents to be more conscious of their own narrative and how that impacts the parent-child relationship.
Bobbi understands the demands of caring for those with additional needs from a trauma background as a devoted kinship carer to her 13yo grandson, and she suggests:
PCA Families acknowledges the First Nations peoples of all Country throughout Australia. We are grateful for continued connections to lands, waters, seas and communities. We pay respect to Elders past and present as we express our intention to move together to a place of justice and partnership. We acknowledge sovereignty has never been ceded and Australia was, and always will be, Aboriginal lands.
PCA Families has a zero tolerance of child abuse and we are committed to establishing and maintaining child safe environments.
